Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize