Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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