Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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