Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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