I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
