U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
