I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
