Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
