In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
