Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
where are my eyebrows?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
