I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize