it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
