I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
