well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
