your parents love me but you hate me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
