She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
