My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
