Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
