As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
