I've blown a few things in my day
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
