I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
