I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
