Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
