That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
