the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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