bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
