So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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