Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
