those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
