Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
