Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
