talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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