Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
