Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
the liver wants what the liver wants
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize