You're my little dorito
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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