...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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