I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
