hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
