I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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