she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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