whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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