I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
