Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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