no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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