I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
