i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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