mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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