i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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