I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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