i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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