You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
