I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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