Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
