My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
