the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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