I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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