when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
