My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So vagazzling was a success
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
