just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
