ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
