guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
jump out the window naked night went bad
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
