I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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