Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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