If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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