Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
