batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
