Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
