Whatcha textin bout Willis?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
