i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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