Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
