my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
