Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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