Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
