Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize