and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
