we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize