he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
