Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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