I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
