omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
