walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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