I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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