You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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