dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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