Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
