Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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