She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
