he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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