I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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