Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just gargled with NyQuil
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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