Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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