It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize