She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
