I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
