it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
